thinkin part 1

Was just thinking... what issit that I really want? I have been blessed with everything I need, from education, to money, to friends... all I lack is a relationship... or is that so? I have been thinking through this before. Am I looking for a relationship simply because I have not experienced one before? Yes people, I have never been attached before, why suprised? I used to be embarassed of that fact, like as if it was a crime.
During the days of juvenile inmaturity, it seemed like only that of a status or a medal to parade around friends, boasting about new girls and relationships. Stupid as it was, I too was embroiled in this silly game. But, I regretfully admit, that I dun think I really grew out of it. It's like I have progressed in every other field except that in the love faction. I am still just as clueless about this area. Sure, people come to ask me about stuff regarding this, and I can help them in a way or another, but in the end, what's the point? Then, when I look at others, I wonder what it would be like being with the person I love...
There is this flitting question in my head. Do I want to get attached simply because I never got attached before? Is this what I really desire? Or am I really such a sop, yearning for the love of my life, as told in those wishy washy story books. Yes, I am a guy, but so what, I am sensitive too... Wimpy I might sound, but it gets tiring to have to always shelve up and compartmentalise my feelings as what most people think guys can do. Thats why its good having a blog at times... there is so much more u can express than as compared to the social world where all is smiles and greetings.
So back to the main question... do I or don't I? Am I just toying with ideas, pinning hopes on what I would otherwise deem as hopeless? Am I simply placing whatever emptiness I am feeling into this one problem of love? Or am I really just trying to run away from realities of life? Why do I sound so wimpy? Ha... I guess I might have been better off a girl in certain ways... I might be then be spared from the ridicule of being weird due to being skilled in observation and remembering minor details.

I am so tired, really...
But the more I run, the more I return to u.
This is a circle I am running in
an endless cycle I wish I never got on