recollections

My goodness, it has been a good half year since I last posted anything. I doubt if anyone else reads this space, but I’ll write here anyway. Just as well, since it’ll be a good time for me to take some time off to recollect the year thus far.
The year started off well, after counting down to a new year in New York, travelling to Niagara Falls, spending a week in Tokyo... coming back to Singapore, I wasn’t really ready to put down my travelling shoes. I’m still not ready actually, but I don’t have a choice. Anyhow, I left for Bangkok to take a look at my restaurants there, and thankfully they look great, and the food tastes great. So yes, I was back to reality by then, by consequence and not by choice. Back to the hum drum of school life, back to the packed days of too many things that one cannot remember once that day passes.

After school ended, things were at a standstill once more. The only difference was, I managed to secure a job, and I still feel really blessed for it. During the school term I was like any other of my peers, seeking jobs in nooks and crannies, mindful that there was something ominous looming behind us. True enough, markets have come crashing around us in the past 3 months or so. So then, another chapter in my life had started, one which I have an even lesser control of. 7 months have since passed, and despite some hiccups and surging negative emotions whilst working, I’m still happily working in the office. One cannot ask for more, especially given the current situation of the world.

Ha, that was really a brief run through my 2008 eh? My life seems really boring at this point, wouldn’t it? What about spirituality? I went to Sydney for the World Youth Day 08, which was supposed to be a peak, but because I did not make much effort to prepare myself properly, I ended up having a good experience, but not the best that I could have had. Sadly, till now, I still don’t make much effort to prepare myself spiritually... going for the seminary’s recollection did not help me recollect much apart from my obvious sloth and sin. Even waking up that random day with the thoughts of giving up when I was so down, and suddenly being instilled with the thought of entering religious life; that fervour was soon lost, and back I was into being steeped in sin. Not much of an advancement I guess? Was made to be more active in church once again by re-joining RCIA, and by joining some youth activities, in camps and other stuff. In my opinion, and I’m sure the same goes for others, I wasn’t much of a leader, or a good example to the youth. Time was not well planned, delegations not proper, and examples not made. In the end, I only managed to disappoint others, those who had originally thought better of me. How sad...

And this brings to bear the next thing on my list. What life would be without its fair share of love, and love lost? For me, it was a crazy roller coaster of misplaced and misunderstood emotions. Going for one, jumping to another, and then another, back again, and then one more? What a joke. Having to explain my actions to someone was like a slap in my face to tell me that I am nothing more than the idiots I used to criticise. Like a dog chasing its tail, I was chasing after things of little consequence. I lost myself in a bid to find someone else.. how ironic that turned out to be. In the end, I lost not only myself, but almost a friend as well. I lost myself to the worldly desires of men, and the temptation of sin. Ashamed as I am, I cannot turn back the clock, and there is no righting the wrong. I can only bury these deeds that should never come to light, seek forgiveness in Him and pray that such things would never re-surface and never acted upon again.

So as I look back at this year, in reality, many things have come to play. A change in lifestyle? Maybe. A different perspective to life? Probably. A desire for change? Definitely. It will be a tough year ahead. I can only pray for more strength. Already my perseverance wanes, my resolve wavering. Divine help is what I seek, for the stench of sin is what I reek, strength to resist, temptation to desist. Cheers to a NEW 2009.