confusion or delusion

Well, remember what I was saying last night? Well, shit lor, things always turn out funnily.
When I said I was going to deleted the numbers, I was secretly still hopeful that the person would call or message me. Of course I was also thinking on the other hand that it would not be possible because up till now, it has always been me doing the initiating. As such, I was really quite positive that I would be sucessful in 'deleting' the memory...
Hmmm, obviously things never turn out as intended. I was still complaining to Ms Peh and Ah Wen, hahah sorry for the crap names ah u guys, when she called. Stunned me for a few seconds to see the name flashing on screen... I had 2 choices. To cut off or to answer. Knowing the weakling that I am, u all should know that I obviously picked up. How could I have the heart to cut off? And what a cheerful voice it was! Even if I wanted to sound pissed, I could not do so. It was almost like the first fresh breeze of autumn after a scorching summer.
But now, how? Why is it so that when I try to put my foot down on something, something else happens to loosen my foothold? I was so thrown off from my intended course of action... I stated my disappointments though, and she seemed apologetic enough. But words are only letters stringed together to form perceived intellectual representations, and are insignificant if not backed up with action. So, for now, I intend not to start anything. I'd rather she start a conversation for once. I can't always be here. A promise to be more mindful might only last a short while, and it defeats a purpose if it becomes an obligation to respond.
I'm probably too tired out right now to think straight anymore. Intended to study just now, but was distracted for 2 hours until I gave up concentrating, that's why I'm here, hahaha. I'll leave now though, cheerios!