suprise

After swimmin through the ocean of confusion,
one ends up at the beach of despair.
For this case however,
I am at the Paradise of calm.

Is it time that is lacking here,
that the truth has not sunk in.
Is it denial that I so cling on to,
such that falsehood is what follows me.

Scary thoughts have filled my head,
this calm is unnatural for me.
An impending emotional burst is what awaits,
but for that trigger I have to search.

This all makes little sense to me,
that I am still this way.
The only solution I can give,
is taht I gave all my emotions away.

Devoid of feelings,
lacking in emotion.
Lost in thought,
filled with apprehension.

So the mindless game awaits,
in the future but not near.
I seek to retire from it now,
and not return till again I can tear.