Desgarsthing

Disgust. That is what I think.
Disgust. The word to describe it all.
Disgust. What I feel when I internalise.
Disgust. When I see myself through your eyes.
Disgust. Where I realise I am going.
Disgust. How much of this can I feel just by thinking?
Disgust. Why did I make you sad?

dirty sanchez

Fingers stretch out,
Entwined they become,
Lips form a pout,
Kisses there are some;
Arms over shoulders,
Drifting to lower,
Over the neck line hovers,
Ploughing lightly as a mower;
Hands between,
Somewhat searching,
Not to be seen,
Thoughts are roving.

sigh.

auctioned

Sold. To the highest bidder.
Are these sales always the best?
Brought. To somewhere here, come hither.
Does it always have to be of this mess?

Analytical skill (less)

You. I miss you so.
Me. You miss me too.
Point. We are here now.
And yet, we miss each other.
Pity. This is so missing the point.

spoilt ingredient

Put the heat on, and let the water bubble,
Add in spices for the flavour,
Throw the meat in, make that double,
Complete the dish and hope you can savour;
Savour the chemistry that is all that it is,
Remember the innocence of the birds and the bees;
But hark, in comes confusion,
And all is for naught,
For in the wake of this intrusion,
All words become caught.

shakespere I quote

I guess...

I don’t have anything that needs explaining, but yet again, perhaps I do...

I am unsure if I really like anyone, because my feelings are alien to me. On one hand I can be happy being with a girl, but yet I am not compelled to meet up with her. It is as if I am too comfortable where I am now, and where I have been, so much so that I don’t see a need to advance. Perhaps, too, because I have never went further than this stage, for various reasons no doubt. One of these reasons, is that I am lazy, and easily tired. Most likely, I find that the girl is not receptive fast enough, and I just simply give up. Jaded, perhaps? I no longer order flowers, don’t spring surprise gifts, lost all inkling of romance (this assuming of course that I have had those in the first place), don’t purposely go out for dates... things that I used to think I would do for the girl I loved, but if I said that, then perhaps I have only loved one girl for certain.. wait, can I even be certain? I... am too serious, and I think too much. Someone told me before that nobody could love me, simply because I did not allow myself to be, by being guarded on one hand, and also being silent, uninteresting, and so unenergetically unappealing... talk about being a young ‘un ha!

I can’t find it within myself to continue to say that I am in love with anyone, because that would be giving people the wrong idea. I cannot find within myself the energy to accommodate, to adapt, to change myself to whom I think people would rather I be. I am who I am. Selfishly thinking, if you can’t handle that, then so be it, because who wouldn’t want others to love them as they are? Even when certain aspects are worth changing, but to what extent can and should we change ourselves just so as to fit who others want us to be? Would we still be able to call ourselves ‘me’ then? I understand that people change to suit others willingly at times, because we want the other to be happy, even if that might result in us not being too happy, but at the end of the day, it is worth it. Or so we thought. If we lose ourselves in the hope of change, then is change necessarily a good thing? I think not.

When whatever I do requires explaining, then should I continue doing it the way I am? Or should I explain? Or should I just ignore and do it anyway? I would rather do it my way, as long as it works, and it hurts nobody. If it hurts me in the process, so be it. Limbo, limbo, the word best used to describe my current state of mind. Confusion won’t even come close. You don’t wish to commit? Neither do I... only difference is, I’ve never seen what is on the other side. And more often than not, the girl would have seen the other side. I mean, how many can proudly proclaim they have never been in a relationship, never been kissed, never held hands...? Few and far in between I’m sure.

Double double, toil and trouble, cauldron boil and fire bubble...
By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way come...
Fair is foul and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air...

These three lines sound so foreign and so dark, but what if I said it describes aptly how it seems to be to me at this point my thoughts and feelings... in terms of the curious undertones and foreboding context it invokes within me, the same as when I talk about relationships. I am really, too serious for my own good.

mixed inuendo

turn me round and round indeed,
drop the water on the dormant seed,
spinning thoughts after not the deed,
denying and defying listed ones in the creed,
is this akin to being blinded by greed?

so then, many others are in tow,
and you are tired, confused, irritated.
you want the fun, the naughty, the non-serious
we chit we chat, we do this and that,
and yet even now... no?

Change is for the better, one might say,
to others, it might be, not worth it
think think think.
if 1 is changed, and becomes 2, then 2 is not 1 and 1 is not 2, then would u still be u?
if 1 wants to be liked as 1, then changing to 2 just to be liked would not be 1 or 2.

rain rain don't go away

Clouds, grey and looming,
Sun rays try a-peeking;
Wind brings a chill,
Imminent rain suits the bill;
Droplets fall from the heavens,
Men seek shelter in taverns;
Drink away the gloomy weather,
Always hoping for the better.

But, we miss the point.

Rain brings life.
We are of the living,
We should welcome rain,
Glorious, life-giving rain.
Woe to he who does not realise,
What he has been blessed with.
Looming clouds prevent the sun from scorching,
Chill winds cool us down,
Rain washes away the dirt and stains,
And what can be more the opposite of gloom,
Than sunshine after the rain?

now and then, not just a friend

Life is like a coin...
heads or tails,
however it lands,
it is still God who flips it.

Also too is love like a coin,
many things are up to chance,
and we are faced with different opportunities,
but in the end,
are we daring enough to flip that coin?

Many happenings for now,
to what end, I don't know how.
What exactly to think of it,
jigsaw puzzle pieces trying to fit.
playing around with matters of the heart,
two unknowing performers playing the part.
will you honour me this dance,
you who put me in this trance?
it takes two hands to clap,
trust me honey, this is no trap;
so please let me clasp your hand,
course I wish to be more than just your friend.

be gone minus

What would you do, when you despair,
when things don't go your way,
when you won't know how you'd fare,
when the future looks so gray...

I can't see past my nose,
and I don't know what I want,
acting out as if striking a pose,
when I'm as useless as a plant...

What am I saying, I know not,
aimlessly living my dreary existence,
I only know that I feel distraught,
sigh negativity keep your distance.

The way life works.
I understand not.
The way days pass.
I fret not.
The way things go.
I think not.
The Way of His.
I worry not.

Live each day like you love it,
love each person like mean it,
mean every word you speak,
and speak of every dream you live.

For every tomorrow can be the dream of yesterday,
every word the representation of that dream,
every person the important one you love,
and every love a gift from God today.

Peace.