I saw you this morning

You looked so good

Damn damn damn

Its been hardly a month

I'm missing you already

I grant you not a life of luxury,
I give you not a world of riches.
What I can give only,
is the luxury of laughter,
is the richness of love.

Then again,
I think back,
and look ahead...
Have I been able to do all this?
Will I be able to fulfill all this?

Till then I can't,
till then I won't.

hmmm, so this is my sis 

I really look like my sis meh? 

Cry

On Thurs, I updated one of my church friends about my currect status... She asked me whether I was sad, since I certainly did not show it. Ha... I guess I really haven't right? Technically, if your heart is empty, then there really isn't anything for you to pour out right? I was told last night that I would never show myself to people... and I think this is probably true. Am I just afraid to do so? Most likely. As I said... I am shy. Laugh all you want... but really... its just that I use that term so loosely that it does not necessarily conform to the actual definition of the word. But who cares. It makes no difference what I do and what not I do. Hmmm... who was the one who asked me when was the last time I really cried? I can't remember... Am I supposed to? I think not. Crying does nothing at all. Just helps deplete the amount of body fluids... crap. I realise that I am starting to blog nonsensically. Its all these pent up feelings I guess... I think its time to cry.

reason

what is the reason to blog?
what is the reason not to blog?
if the reason to blog is not the reason not to blog,
and the reason not to blog is not the reason to blog,
then what exactly is the reason?
what is this word that we use so often?
why do we always go "this is the reason for this..., this is the reason for that..."
what are we trying to imply?
what are these reasons we so blatantly fall back on?
and what is the reason that I am even bothering to blog this down?
the reason is...
there is no reason.

senseless blogging ... direct result of a bored mind

Replay

How does one play a scene, stop the scene and replay the same scene without rewinding?
Simple.
After stopping the tape, take out the tape and put in a new one.
The second tape starts of at the same time as the previous one and replays the same scene.
Moral of this story?
Two tapes, same story, same scene, same ending.
Go figure.

One Word

TORN

haha, work and family? yea right 

Food for thought

Stuck in IE class this early morning is really tiring. More so since this is a make up class... Such an early class to wake up to. Thank goodness the Prof's voice isn't the droning kind, lest I really fall asleep. Ok, anyway, this isn't the reason I am blogging. I mean, sure, this is an obvious blogging excuse since I am so bored anyway, hmmm... but the prob here is that I am not studying nor listening. If I come to class and listen attentively but not study, its still relatively ok since my learnin curve is highest with relation to listening. My learning abilities are low for readin, and yet I dun listen... not that I read either. Haha, a freshie was telling me "it's already 4th week!!", and a fellow faci was saying "aren't u in school? all my freshies are in school muggin now". This is the sad revelation of the inevitable change in SMU. Since the time that it was established, SMU has been marketed as a 'different' institute of education. We are supposed to have a more 'wholesome' life with respect to the activities that we are involved in like CCAs and stuff. However, as the years progress, it is evident that the mindless grade/paper chase that we as students have been so accustomed to since Secondary and JC days have been carried on to the next level of education, mainly University. Juniors outdo the seniors year after year by mugging harder and earlier. It is really madness seeing freshies studying/ mugging during the first week of school. Of course, its understandable that they might not have managed to change their mindset as yet, but even then, it is a phenomenon in itself that everyone of the freshies are this hardworking. Already u see people with their msn status left at 'busy' all night long till the wee hours of the morning. You see them as almost permeanant fixtures of the library till it closes, and ornamental lights hanging around school till late. I forsee that if this trend continues, we will be no 'different' from our counterparts. Don't get me wrong though. It is not as if I really bother. This is jus food for thought and it is something I have been wondering about. This is an obvious case of the rigidity and 'neck-grip' that the education system has on society. "Rise now, brainless by-products of the education system; exact ur EQ-less wrath on the general society u insidious embodiments of hardworking paper chasers." 'Nuff said, SMU's going to go on a downhill slide to a sad sad end. I hope I dun get to see it before I graduate.

Thankx

Someone said to me:
"you know shawn
i think you deserve someone good,
like only the best
so its ok even if you dont have a gf
i dont think its a big deal not to be attached. like the wait is really worth it
so you shouldnt like be sad or lament about it
really"
To u I say a big thank you. Although I already told u how sweet u are, I feel I still need to say once more, thank you for being so sweet. It put a big smile on my face. As I said too,
the prettiest pics are not kept in the cam but in the head, and the happiest times are not penned in words but kept in the heart and the most wondrous things are the smallest things, the simplest things that God created. If we are able to see and appreciate these things, we can be happy at any sad moment, humbled at any point of pompusnous and wizened at all times. So now I have something happy to blog about, and I owe it to u.

to the other you whom I spoke to,
I thank you too because you bothered,

and to u who I hold so dear,
I wish I could speak to u more

this is an obvious statement

which is nicer? 

yesterday during Stats haha, Peace Out! 

wanna take a 'break'? haha, during IE lesson 

I rest my case regarding boredom 

dumb pic... wonder where my inspiration comes from... probably boredom 

pretty much sums up my current feelings... morbid eh? haha 

thinking part 2

I am thinking too much.
I got an answer to a question.
But I did not even ask the question.
So is the answer really an answer?
Do I really need to ask the question?

thinkin part 1

Was just thinking... what issit that I really want? I have been blessed with everything I need, from education, to money, to friends... all I lack is a relationship... or is that so? I have been thinking through this before. Am I looking for a relationship simply because I have not experienced one before? Yes people, I have never been attached before, why suprised? I used to be embarassed of that fact, like as if it was a crime.
During the days of juvenile inmaturity, it seemed like only that of a status or a medal to parade around friends, boasting about new girls and relationships. Stupid as it was, I too was embroiled in this silly game. But, I regretfully admit, that I dun think I really grew out of it. It's like I have progressed in every other field except that in the love faction. I am still just as clueless about this area. Sure, people come to ask me about stuff regarding this, and I can help them in a way or another, but in the end, what's the point? Then, when I look at others, I wonder what it would be like being with the person I love...
There is this flitting question in my head. Do I want to get attached simply because I never got attached before? Is this what I really desire? Or am I really such a sop, yearning for the love of my life, as told in those wishy washy story books. Yes, I am a guy, but so what, I am sensitive too... Wimpy I might sound, but it gets tiring to have to always shelve up and compartmentalise my feelings as what most people think guys can do. Thats why its good having a blog at times... there is so much more u can express than as compared to the social world where all is smiles and greetings.
So back to the main question... do I or don't I? Am I just toying with ideas, pinning hopes on what I would otherwise deem as hopeless? Am I simply placing whatever emptiness I am feeling into this one problem of love? Or am I really just trying to run away from realities of life? Why do I sound so wimpy? Ha... I guess I might have been better off a girl in certain ways... I might be then be spared from the ridicule of being weird due to being skilled in observation and remembering minor details.

I am so tired, really...
But the more I run, the more I return to u.
This is a circle I am running in
an endless cycle I wish I never got on

What

What...
What issit that I do, that make people think I am a flirt.
What do I have on my face, that makes people say I have the buaya seh.
What must I say, to make people not think of me that way.
I do not always talk to girls.
I do not alwyas hang around girls.
I do not only remember things about girls.
I do not only notice girls.
So, what issit you people need me do.
What?