What if...

What if one were to like someone, is there a possibilty to like someone else as well? If that person does so, is it considered 'cheatin' on the other?
What if one tells someone he/she isn't interested in the other, when there is a slight possibilty that it might not be the case, is it advisable to tell the person in the end?
What if one assures the other of plain friendship but is subconsiously hoping for something more in the friendship than just being platonic?
What if one is afraid to like the other and knows that there is another liking that other, is it selfish to try to 'advertise' another to that other in hope that they get together?
What if one tries to link two people together but end up feeling a tinge of jealousy some how whenever he/she hears in detail what is happening between the the two?
What if things were never as complicated as we make it out to be,
What if whatever one does is only for some selfish desire,
What if one is not as good as what others perceive,
What if things could turn out the way we want,
What if time could be reversed,
What if time was ours,
What if...

This is the way I wash my hands...

I understand the childish connotations of the title of this blog, but it clearly explains what I am about to do. I am starting to feel extremely tired of everything, and I wish to wash my hands off everything. Call me a coward, but if this is what I can do to save me, then it really doesn't matter. Ok, maybe save might be a wrong word, but I can't think of any other adjectives. It will take me a very long time for me to make this change, but really, I have to do this. All the time I listen around I feel too deeply for thse involved. It saps my energy and leaves me contemplating too much for my own good. I have to slowly extricate myself from all these thoughts. The same goes for my 'innate ability' of observing people. I cannot, and must not, observe people anymore. Unless really necessary, I have to refrein from all this subconcious observation and analysis of my fellow friends. The problem lies in me, not in my friends. So far, the presicion of my analysis has left me somewhat disappointed because it allows me to realise things earlier, and if my friends tell me nothing, I feel sad that they tell me nothing. Anyone can see that I am too overly sensitive and demanding of my friends. Dear people, I am not as good as you all seem to think I am. I am just a selfish bugger who isn't clear of what I want, thus aggravating the problem even more.
So yes, this is the way I'm gonna wash my hands.

Valentine

Once again, it is very much around that time when I am embroiled with the useless thoughts of wat I wished for is reality and all the idealism of truth and love come rushin back into my minute brain. Yes, its the time when small boys dig deep into their pockets to buy flowers for their so beloved. (Notice I use boys, not men. - Boys will be boys afterall) Wat is this stupid obsession or 'tradition' of giving flowers on this day? This day is obviously Valentine's Day, in case some dimwit still can't comprehend wat I'm saying. So anyway, why issit that people want to buy flowers, when the prices of the flowers are so inflated that only at an inflation rate of 5% per annum for 7 years would you acheive this price. Is it to show their love for the girl? If it is decreed or generally accepted that only via this outward show of 'love' does the guy proof his love, then I think it is stupid. It makes things so materialistic, and this day which was meant to be special, becomes so commercialised that there is little significance in it anymore. Why the willingness in spending so much fpr a measely stalk of flowers? If u love the girl that much, den let her know it everyday; no need for elaborate get ups, no need for expensive flowers, no need for all this pomp and fancy.

Then here comes the hypocrisy of it all. I have just bought flowers at exorbiant prices for my female project group members and haha, oh my, wat a waste of money. hahaha. Actualoly thats because I have project meeting today so I was thinking, why not? Then one of them tells me that she isn't coming!!!! Damn. I have to go over later to pass it to her cos if I were to bring it home to pass to her tomorrow, then I'll be killed by my parents haha.

oh no

oh no! I have positively screwed up a conversation I had with my fren last night! I asked her something that I knew she would be sensitive about, and I made it appear as if I didn't believe her in the first place! Oh no oh no, how insensitive could I have gotten? Shit man... den she absolutely clammed up and jus said that she din want to talk abt it, had to go, and went off! I managed to apologise, and all I got was a "ya" in reply. I feel soooo bad... I tried smsing her, but to no avail...

Shocks

Hmmm, I can't take anymore shocks. First a friend of mine tells me something I shouldn't have known in detail... dat was 2, 3 weeks back. Then another tells me that she wants to make a decision that I feel will ruin her. Another one comes along telling me that she has a gf. Then another asked me thrice if I like her. Last night was another shocker for me. U know who I am talking about girl, but dun worry, I'm not upset or disappointed. As I said, I'm glad u finally told me, although it has taken 2 years, especially since we promised to tell each other everything. Nvm, though, its not too late. Yours I can settle, no problem. Its the other shocks which I can't deal with. Especially the girl askin me if I like her. I hardly even know her, and she told me she doesn't like me, but yet again she asks me thrice? WTH sia...

Happy Chinese New Year People!!!! 

Pengarang

Oh yea~ jus came back from Pengarang!!! Took a boat over to Malaysia before we started riding at break neck speed; not because it was fast, but cos it was so slow u'd want to break ur neck to end the misery. Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but well, close enough. Then at the end of it when we reached the chalet, I made another discovery. Someone once commented I din have an ass, no I know I definetely do! Haha, it hurts sia, especially since I haven't exercised for like ages. The we played in the sea. I tell u, it has been a long time since I did that, and I felt like a small kid again, together with the other guys who obviously felt the same way. Boys will be boys I guess. Then at night, we had bbq dinner, but the food was bbqed for us, so luxurious sia. Talked into the night after taht with loads of crappy jokes and stuff till we called it a night and hit the sack. This morning, we had great Nasi Lemak for breakfast then we cycled back at twice the pace, after all agreeing that the pace yesterday was a definete 'slow killer'.
Got to know lots of new ppl. 4 yr 4s, 6 yr 2s, 4 yr 1s and one exchange student. How cool right. It might have beena short trip, but I got to see many ppl I haven't seen before. On the whole, it was such a cool trip. Erm, although I got sun burnt lah quite bad too I think, considering the fact that I hardly get burnt. Haha, now I'm like lobsterish! Lol.

Shopping

Well, now is the last day of the 5th week!!!! My oh my, need I mention that time is passing soooo fast? Next week's gonna be CNY! Although I dun seem to be very excited or interested in this kind of festivities anymore. Did I just grow out of everything suddenly? Sighez...
Went shopping jus now with XH, J and Z. Weird combi I know, since I've hardly maintained more than 2 sentences worth with XH or even a word with J. Haha, and I dunno... 1 guy and 3 girls? It was ok with me, its jus the weird combi. At least Z isn't as shy as always. But something puzzles me about her and one of my friends... Never mind, I wun observe them too much for now. I've got too much in my mind as it is.

Presentation

Yea! Comms presentation is OVER!!!! I love my group members man! Firstly, they decided on the topic within what, half an hour? Then we met up once to fill up the participation thing. In the end, our very dear ZHAI grp member offered to complete it for us. Then, we met up once to go through the acting of scenes, and another time to rehearse with our 'scripts'. My grp members are jus so spontaneous lor. Cos whatever was presented today didn't really follow whatever we rehearsed the day before. Oh, did I forget to mention that we only met up 2 days before? Lol. Power grp. I'm so thankful I have this bunch of people to make project work so fun filled. Not forgetting the informative trivia we 'exchange' all the time! haha! On the whole I guess we did alright? Hopefully...

Feb

So, it is the new month already, how fast time is flying me by. Sigh... FA test is next week, tested till chapter 6, but I have yet to even complete chapter 2? And its on a Tues, meaning I have Mon to study for it, since I'll be goin to Malaysia over the weekend. Speaking of which, WooHoo! I'm going to cycle to Malaysia with some school people( cos its a school event). Only problem is, they'll be travelling like super slow lah. wah lau average of 10km/h? I think during our fitter days we could run at that speed lor... Eh, yea, jus realised that the distance is like that of a full marathon...