It's over

Need I say more?

knock knock

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Exam
Exam who?
Exam in 13 hours you stupid fool!

Good Luck to all we dying misfits
May we either do the best
or that failure jus greets the rest

I take your hand in mine
in a grasp do our fingers entwine
Your beautiful hair is soft to touch
its no wonder I miss it so much
But yet it is just a wonder
a flitting thought through a cloudy mind
because this is just a fantasy and not reality
I take your hand in mine?
You'd wrench in out soon enough
Your hair is soft to touch?
You'll fling it in my face
What did I do to deserve this?
Ideas do not hope to explain
I am watching over you
but do you even know I'm here?
I doubt it

The Simple things in life

Seems like some of my friends like this, so I thought I should share with the rest of you.
Hope you guys like it

The Simple things in Life

The wind that blows by the face,
The rustle of the leaves,
The gurgling brook in the wilderness,
The sunlight through the trees
In life we see many
In life we hear lots
In life we experience many
Many different thoughts
But of all these we see or hear
Of all these little things
Which of these do we deem important?
Which of these do we take notice?
Which of these do we appreciate?
Which of these do we take for granted?
All or none is not an option
For more often than not
All is all there is to it
For all is what we take for granted
And all is what we are missing out on
So do not fill your mind with worries
Or cloud your mind with troubles
Instead just start to take note of
The finer things in life

normal post

Hmmm, finally, a normal post. The commonly known 'hell week' of SMU is finally over. With all presentations and most reports over for most, the next step is only to concentrate on the exams. As such, yesterday was proclaimed to be a break day. Of course it isn't declared by the school, but it seemed to have be commonly agreed upon. For example, there was the 'Starry Starry night', a time when SMU bands congregate to show case their music. Then there's Fides exam mass. It was my Godfather's 50th birthday celebration. It was also my church friend's suprise birthday party. Some SMU friends of mine also decided to take a time out and go out. It is obvious that I only managed to 'participate' in one. Managed to squeeze 2 in the end. For family sake I went for the 50th birthday, and since it was convenient enough I went for my friend's birthday. However... my heart and mind was somewhere else since these were not the places I really wanted to be. Hmmm, sometimes I wonder what exactly we want, and who exactly are we living our lives for. True enough, our lives are ours to live, but who can say firmly and surely that they have lived towards their own dreams? oh well, no point thinking about that now...

PS. I'm sorry I worried you. I dunno what I was thinking when I said those things. Sorry

Woo Hoo, all hail depressive nicks

It's back again...
depressive nicks rule the day...
"the day you msg me first is the day 天掉下来"
"Not being even a minute part of ur life kills me"
"time and time again u disappoint me"
"what use are honeyed words if they can't sweeten u"
"knowing what u might be doin now saddens me"
"takin a break from u is impossible"
"I can't drop u for anything, but I can drop anything for u"
hmmm... all of these are taken off personal messages, all telling a similar story. How saddening it is to read them once over. Is it due to the exam period that such depression sets in? Or is it just a reminder of what is really happening around? I wonder really... especially since these personal messages are personal. Meaning...
hmmm...
the easiest decisions which are the most difficult to ascertain
the simpliest of ideas which are hardest to explain
the oxymorons of life...
they break down the simple things and repackage them as confusing things
confusing things they leave alone, to rot they do not care,
but with the repackaging they do, they only serve,
to confuse the world further.
Is this confusing? Is this weird? Is this lame?
Natural tendencies of humans are such that they shut off what they do not understand.
How about this saying?
"Presenting the truth at its barest minimal makes truth less like the truth."

morning lullaby

Staring at my screen, my vision blurs to a swirl of bright coloured lines for essentially, that is what it is. When ur eyes break down the optical illusion the computer screen tries to present to you, you know you are too tired. However, I do not feel tired. No, I should not say this. Rather, I should say that I cannot find solace in sleep. Wait you people, I know what you all are about to say "why so depressing?" right? No no, this is not depressive. Far from it. Ok, maybe not far, because that would mean that I am happy, and I can't stamp down my foot to proclaim that that is what I am. Instead, just take this as ramblings of a tired mind. This is the time where you see poor tired souls of SMU, fighting to stay awake, fingers flying over the keyboard, eyes straining at the screen, overheating their arse by sitting in one never changing position. 32 at 3am, 19 at 4am and 13 at 5am, all from SMU. To think that these people can reply promptly enough when I message them, it speaks volumes about the current state of SMU students. I am probably one of the few people up at this ungodlyhour with no apparent or rightful reason to be up. I blame it on a long and restful sleep the night before. Is this all? Naye; Oh how I wished it was so. I ponder about what I want to be, who I want to be, how I want to be, where I want to be. Of course I would be plagued with who I want to be with, how I want to be with her, where I want to be with her, and what I want to come out of being with her. Please do not misread, I mean 'her' here as just a representation of a female, a reassurance to others that I am not gay, and far from it. Urgh, I feel miserable... only because I brought it upon myself.... what do I do now? stay awake till I go to school? or not go to school and let this whole cycle of playing cat and mouse with my sleep continue? I implore thee, sing for me, a morning lullaby.

Ponderings

Ponder ponder,
if absence makes the heart fonder,
and you are not far out yonder,
then why does my heart still falter?
Easy, difficult, is there even a difference?
To make or break, that is the question,
or is it?
I wish, I hope,
that all I do would be what you sought,
but it seems my actions would come to naught.
As this festive season the snow would fall,
would it too to the curtain,
with little hope for a curtain call,
to the end I am certain.

tired

I am getting tired.
As a bear hibernates in winter,
So do I want to fall in deep slumber.
As the leaves do fall from the branch,
A person would fall into weary despair.
The stars do flicker in the night,
As does hope glimmer in the distance.
Like the elusive shadow we cannot catch,
Our dreams fleet about the corner.
My feet now ache,
As I trudge through the depths of my thoughts.
I am tired of finding myself at the same destination,
Even after going through different paths.
Planning the route does nothing to soften the inevitable,
Because the start is the end; the end, the start.
I am tired.

Apologies

To all you ppl readin this,
I'm so sorry for worrying u guys.
No I did not do such a thing,
although I made it sound like I did.
Hee, I did mention at the end right?
"and still, I cannot get you"
haha, u ppl ah...
But thanx anyway,
I am really glad tat u people are concerned.
Dun worry, I am not such a dumb person
especially when u all dun like it.

I see you lined up in neat rows,
packed together with your fellow white brothers.
Lifting you out and twirling you about,
I anticipate the calm you promise.
Did I ever mention, how good you smell?
I present you to the naked flame,
where you surrender your white clothes;
they burn away.
Indeed, you deliver what you promise,
that calm, that euphora;
for that I thank you.

I have never, ever, felt this way
I have never, ever, needed you this bad
You have never looked so good before
and still, I cannot get you...

to all you accountancy ppl taking tax, this is to you, inspired by this stupid girl who keeps ranting about 'fighting the taxman' 

----------------------------------

To you whom I had mudpie with:
You are not weird, you are artistic.
You are not weird, you are special.
You are not weird, you are beautiful.
Do not worry about what to do,
what to think,
what to feel.
It is normal to want to run away.
Just remember, a dead end is never really a dead end;
trust you might not have in others,
faith for others in you has died,
but always know that I am here,
and a ear I will provide.

On a different note...

Ba Chor Mee, Barley, Fries, Apple, Fruit juice : $10
Companionship : Priceless
Yea, this may sound like a typical Mastercard commercial but seriously...
I really thank you for having supper with me, especially since I called so late.
I was actually somewhat down but seeing you in tat usual cheerful disposition of yours made me feel much better. I did not really need to tell you anything, just looking at your disarming smile is good enough to lift my spirits and help me forget stuff. Really, I am grateful and glad to have you as a friend. Thanx.

Lastly...

Swimming in this pool of thoughts,
I find myself suddenly drowning.
Arms flail about,
desperate to stay afloat.
Admist this self-made confusion,
I realise one important thing.
I am but only in a single drop of water,
and I will drown not because I am sinking...
Rather, I drown from the lack of water.
What was originally an attempt to gasp for air,
has now become an abundance of it.
I strive for the wrong reasons,
I search for the wrong ends,
I resort to the wrong methods,
and still I do not learn.
Fly, fly, fly me to the moon,
where the air is thin, the surroundings bleak.
Easier it would be to find what I seek,
compared to this foggy, misty, misdirected place;
where thoughts will be lost,
emotions misplaced,
and eventually I would find myself once again drowning for the wrong reasons.

the point being

what is the point of
trying so hard to please
trying hard to make ppl smile
trying hard to do other stuff for them
trying hard to ensure they're safe
trying hard to encourage everyone to be healthy
trying hard to see that no one gets hurt
but all in all
there is no point

because ppl/them/they /everyone/no one dun even notice
because ppl/them/they/everyone/no one takes it for granted
because ppl/them/they/everyone/no one do not understand my intentions
because ppl/them/they/everyone/no one dun return the kindness

the point being
because ppl/them/they/everyone/no one is you
so what say you now

I give up...
and there isn't even a point in that either

and the key to you is
3(4)4(2)4(6)5(1)5(4)5(5)