Of things not straightened

This is going to be a post addressing homosexuality, after having a talk with some friends about it... I find it interesting, especially after the whole hype about brokeback mountain... It's not suprising, as an Asian context, that peopl still cringe at the mention of the word 'gay'. In fact, some people, especially guys, dun dare to watch it because they feel that by doing so they might be loooked upon as gays too. It's saddening in a way, since gays are human too, and the amount of criticism and scrutiny is not justifiable. If just by comparing gays and lesbians, lesbians seem to have it better. They don't seem to be as 'scary' in the public eye... maybe I'm wrong about this. Anyway, girls have it good also because of their nature. Let me explain... in a relationship, there are many stages, such as the dating, conversations, blah blah. Given the way of advancement, be it physically or mentally, there is a limit to where you can go if you are homo since you technically cannot settle down and start a family. This is the case for both sexes, however, guys also miss out on the communication part. Guys get bored easily? Maybe. Guys dun make much of a sharing person or a conversationalist? Almost definetely. This statement is made in general comparison to girls so there is a place for debate here. Anyway, based on this analysis, it is more probable for a gay couple to last a shorter time than a lesbian couple. Some people might comment that the promiscuity of some gays might probably be due to the horniness of guys (a common misconception since girls can be horny too haha).
How I look at it, is that we should definetely accept them. No, this is NOT an invitation to treat in the sense that I am turning gay or anything like that, but rather, it's not my position to judge. True, I don't think I'd be able to accept it if a gay were to chase me; I'd probably be really really freaked. However, we need to try to understand their position. In fact, a gay relationship can be considered more powerful, more special than a straight one. Look at it this way, if the couple is really able to experience love for each other, then isn't it good? At least from my point of view, the view of once who has not experienced a 2 way love, this is more than commendable. I would be happy for the couple, as with any other couple, if they really experience love for each other. Coupled with the fact that they are able to embrace their 'differences' and the stigma society has given them, it can be considered courageous in a way.
Understanding is one thing we all need to learn. The reason why we seem to be so homo-adverse is the enviornment and stigma that has been wrongfully placed on them. We have been conditioned to think that they are so different from them that we have definetely got to stay away from them. There has also been a misalignment of intentions along the way. As someone put it, it is precisely because we know that in the end it will not be good for the person's future mentality/feelings/mindset/spirituality, that we try to drag them back to the 'straight world'. Instead, gays think that we will critisize them, and therefore they shrink back from society, whilst this is exactly what we are afraid they'd do. This, as you all realise, is actually a case of circular arguement, but I can't seem to find the missing point that would otherwise make this a flawless arguement.
Well, I hope this has gotten you all thinking as much as it has done for me. Of course I don't expect you all to go out there with some "hug a gay today" kind of campaign, but... it would be good if this has somehow helped in easing some mental tension/barrier towards gays. In a very skewed and warped explanation, since the word 'gay' also means happy, therefore we should be happy for them if they are happy too.

Mr A-Z not!

(Sang to the tune of Life is Wonderful)

It takes a girl to make me sad,
It makes it worse to know there're many
It doesn't matter where it is,
it doesn't matter how it is,
Just know that I am saddened.

haha, cannot continue already...
I wonder... should I close this blog?
It seems to be a sad journey for this blog,
and I owe it a rest.
Either this or I just continue until I complete my time in SMU,
or I just write happier posts...
Then again that wouldn't be me,
which person out there can say that I am a happy person?
None right? haha, so there, not much to argue about.
So anyway... back to the question... should I or shouldn't I close this blog...

Thanks

Thanks for telling me the truth,
thanks for being clear;
Thanks for mincing no words,
it really made me tear.

Thanks for all you did,
or what you didn't do;
Thanks for not leading me on,
I wouldn't have seen it through.

But in the end you did what's right,
so did I, within my might.
To have to contend, and not need to pretend,
to pick myself up, from where I have fallen,
and grow up quick, lest my eyes become swollen,
from all this crying,
inside~

Thanks for making my day,
although not better;
Thanks instead for memories,
sealed up like a letter.

But in the end you did what's right,
so did I, within my might.
To have to contend, and no longer pretend,
to pick myslef up, from where I have fallen,
and grow up quick, my eyes are already swollen,
from all this crying,
inside~

And now this is over,
no misunderstandings, no bitter end;
No hopeful thinking,
or failed dreams that never come to pass.

Thanks for no time wasted,
for no time wasted;
Thanks for telling the truth,
thanks for making it clear,
Thanks, thanks,
Thanks.

This is just a song by the way,
so there is no meaning.

Let acquaintances remain as acquaintances

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

the most painful words uttered thus far,
and painful isn't even near it
for when u pour out everything
and expect emptiness to be left
all u find left behind
lurkin in a corner
is... haha

To the lil' girl, who drives my world

Small it is my gift to you,
might not match up that is true,
but this is the final goodbye,
hopefully from me you will not shy,
Showy gifts are not my thing,
won't turn up at your doorstep with a guitar and sing;
sing sing sing,
sing the last song,
to that song we shall save the last dance,
for from here we move along,
I only need to know your stance,
my heart moves faster than my mind,
and that itself is outrun by another,
my fingers I talk about,
whence I placed an order with them,
the order for things which make or break,
and in this case I fear the latter...
I have time to cancel; to walk off,
but I am lazy, I am tired...
So to the lil' girl who drives my world,
I have been driven up the wall,
whilst u have driven far away,
I wish it will not be this way,
where we be driven to wits end...

Arena (known to self and others) caring, observant, relaxed, sentimental	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, adaptable, calm, cheerful, clever, complex, confident, dependable, extroverted, friendly, giving, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, mature, modest, patient, powerful, proud, reflective, religious, searching, self-conscious, silly, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) sensible, shy	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, bold, brave, dignified, energetic, happy, loving, nervous, organised, quiet, responsive, self-assertive, spontaneous, wise

Dominant Traits

56% of people agree that shawndan is sentimental

All Percentages

able (4%) accepting (0%) adaptable (16%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (12%) caring (24%) cheerful (4%) clever (4%) complex (20%) confident (4%) dependable (16%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (4%) friendly (48%) giving (12%) happy (0%) helpful (32%) idealistic (4%) independent (20%) ingenious (8%) intelligent (12%) introverted (8%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (12%) logical (8%) loving (0%) mature (4%) modest (8%) nervous (0%) observant (36%) organised (0%) patient (24%) powerful (4%) proud (4%) quiet (0%) reflective (16%) relaxed (8%) religious (12%) responsive (0%) searching (16%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (4%) sensible (0%) sentimental (56%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (8%) tense (4%) trustworthy (16%) warm (16%) wise (0%) witty (12%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 20.3.2006, using data from 25 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view'>http://kevan.org/johari?view=shawndan">view shawndan's full data.

On and on

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be with someone? Ok now that would be a dumb question won't it? But how about this, the thing is that you don't like the person persay, as in not in the relationship sense. Now, I am not making much sense here. Let me explain. There are certain times in your life that you would meet someone who makes your heart smile a bit inside, just at the sight of them. You naturally get drawn to that person and you treat that person well, simply because you find no reason to do otherwise.

These are the people who make you go soft inside, but not romantically. You develop a sense of affinity to them or a 'soft spot'. And the next thing you know, you start wondering if that person could possibly be someone you could be with. Now here is the thing. After having such positive thoughts about that person, you start to put yourself down. You start comparing yourselves and you slowly start to discredit yourself in relation to that person. In this warped little theory, all confidence is gone and you start to tell yourself that it would obviously not work out and you are content in just being there for the person and as long as you two are good friends.
The danger of such a move is that you get easily affected by what happens to that person and your reactions can sometimes confuse that person. You become overly caring or overly protective and easily jealous for no apparent reason. Worse, if things are not made clear, the person would start to lose trust in you and you lose out on both ends. The funny thing is that you were never really interested romantically with the person... just because you had a soft spot... ok, maybe that's just me?

Recently a friend came back into my life although of course there was no leaving in the first place. We failed to contact each other for some time and after suddenly meeting each other I could not help myself but to wonder how much things have changed. True, the person as a person had no change, but rather it was me. I can be considered being more expressive of my feelings and well, I think I might have overdid it again. The term "absence makes the heart fonder" is definetely at play here. Yes, I have a soft spot for this person and as much as I tried to make it clear, I might have confused the person. I look at this side of me in disdain because it reflects a side of me I never wished to acknowledge. Cowardice, my friend...

Another friend of mine is making me wonder... I observe what others do and some more, but what I see is what only I see and not what might really be meant to see... hmmm, not making sense here, I guess I am really random tonight. Back to this, I am worried about this person and the decisions made, if any. I don't like what I see basically and I wonder if I am taking this affair too personally. I realise I need to stop bothering in other's lives but as much as I say that I can't help but do so. It is quite weird how I can be bothered by some small thing that might be done here rather than one large thing that happens at home.

I am tired... my brain has ceased to function properly... goodnight to the world who has given me so much controversy in my life....

Non continuity

You, I see you,
I smile, you smile,
but then you leave,
and go for another.
Once more I see,
one after another,
once could have's
now no more.
Another comes along,
I never was in the first place,
that's what you say,
so that's it for me.
What can I offer?
Nothing apparently.
Here I am singing the same tune,
with the same lyrics,
in the same song.
Ouch,
I never grew up I guess...

Haha

http://kevan.org/johari?name=shawn+dan

I din think I'd do this too, but oh well, whilst the craze is still on... ppl please help! :)

Oh and I can't believe how much I shopped! Juz came back from KL over the weekend and these are my buys:

3 Tees - 2 A&F, 1 No Label
3 Polos - 1 Ralph, 1 Valentino, 1 A&F
1 Berms - A&F
1 Jeans - Northern Rock
1 shoes - 1 on 1
1 cap - Billabong
1 cufflings - Mont Blanc
1 r/c car cum pen
4 Naruto Keychains
misc spendings

400SGD man! In accordance to what my dear accountant help me tabulate (thanx gurl!) this includes food and accomodation of course but still!!!!

I need to save $$$

Unsuited pairings

"You make me feel whole"
~but why am I broken~

"You are the missing piece in the puzzle"
~but now I still feel incomplete~

"My one and only"
~and now I'm lonely~

"I'm like putty in your hands"
~but I've slipped through your fingers now~

"Mould me like I'm clay"
~baked me into a pot and left me~

"You're my Eve"
~I'm poisoned~

Feelin lonely~

'nuff zed

~sigh

Courtesan and Zither player

It never works the way you want it,
and what better way to find it out,
than from a movie;
a beautiful one at that.

I swoon once again at the touching story,
to the romance I give a wistful sigh,
I scoff the feelings of jealousy displayed,
and yet,
am I not guilty of that too?

This time is really getting testy,
and only a handful of days gone past.
with my hand I try to grasp,
what my mind cannot hope to fathom.

When u pop up,
my heart does a leap,
after so long do I see u,
but with indifference do u look upon me.

I wish I knew what I am doin,
I wish I knew what to do,
I wish I knew why I write this,
I wish I can no longer type this,
but like the endless spin of time,
my life revolves around it,
too bad for me; my character,
sensitivity at its best.

Lentern offerings

So this time round,
what do I give up?
These 40 days and 40 nights,
what can be more profound.

U, I choose u,
no no, not Pikachu (duh)
but the feelings for u,
thats what I choose to do.

Once I give it up,
thats the end
or is it?

I cannot jus remain like this
I cannot keep thinkin
I cannot rely on myself alone
I cannot I cannot

haha,
but I try,
since this is life,
and this is Lent.

:)
smile and the world smiles in return
now, aint that a gem of knowledge.

the Romantic

Test finished!

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.

"I am unique"
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me
Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four
my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
my ability to establish warm connections with people
admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
being unique and being seen as unique by others
having aesthetic sensibilities
being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four
experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
expecting too much from myself and life
fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often
have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
are very sensitive
feel that they don't fit in
believe they are missing something that other people have
attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents
help their children become who they really are
support their children's creativity and originality
are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed