Shawn, you're a Critic!

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Critic which means you are a Thinker. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Thinker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Success" characteristics. That means you're complex, thoughtful and never content to skate on the surface. Chances are you veer towards being so analytical and introspective that even positive qualities can seem like faults. The truth is that you have a very perceptive, gentle spirit.How do we know all this? How do we know that you hate chaos at work and prefer a structured environment? Or that sometimes you feel undervalued by your boss? How could we have divined that there's a part deep inside you that's aching to make more money?Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Critic.And that's just scratching the surface.

haah -Preoccupied?...

Shawn, you have a Preoccupied relationship attachment style.

You tend to worry about being abandoned in your romantic relationships. You have a strong desire for closeness, but may feel that others seem unwilling to get as close as you would like. It's likely that your openness to relationships is one of the first things potential partners notice about you. Attachment style begins in infancy with the interactions we have with our parents or primary caregivers. Through these early relationships we begin to understand the dynamics and patterns of close relationships and we carry this perspective into our adult relationships. 39% of those who have taken our test share this style of attachment.When you choose a romantic partner you tend to gravitate towards those who have what psychologists call a secure attachment style. These are people who are warm, open and trusting. People who have a secure attachment style are typically comfortable with themselves and show a high regard for others. Your answers on our test show that when it comes to relationships you are still wrestling with some of your earliest attachment issues. While you may have resolved some issues, there is still room to grow and you have the potential to develop healthier relationship patterns.

This one is Shin Shan, not me!!!! 

Hmm, today I have to officially start studying... only 6 more days sia!!!! Shit...
Now there's some stupid re-paving works going on at my void deck, how irritating! The incessant drilling and pounding... Had to go to school to study otherwise I would not have gotten anything done. Or so I thought. In the end, I didn't get anything done in school either. Damn, what a waste of time. Asked her if she was going to school and she said yes, so we agreed to meet up and study. In the end, she had some project meeting to attend and by the time it ended, she told me she had to go home. *BooHoo* Yeah right... Told her that I would "probably try not to disturb you anymore after this" and I think she doesn't think much what it actually means. *sigh*... haha, well Ah Jo, does this fit your description of a 'sad entry' rather than reflecting that I am a 'sad person'?
Well, whatever shit this world can dish out, I will be able to think it through, eventually anyway... At least now I found another person who can think with me, so it's not so bad right? Haha, whatever lah, can't be bothered anymore. Screw the exams man.
*Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow, we die*

Ha, this weekend has really been fun. Managed to catch up with a few of my Primary/ Secondary school friends for a chill out get together thingy on Sat. How nice and nostalgic. Then today was Ms Chuah's birthday, so went out with her and 2 more friends for lunch. Ha ha, guys, if u ever wanna go Mushroom Pot, take the herbal soup base, its damn nice!!! Ha, but be prepared to pay a fair bit. Dun be guiled into thinking it'll be cheap cos its only mushrooms!
Well, today managed to talk about the problem for the first time face to face with anyone. And well, the advice given is too cool off. Which is what I really intend to do. Even if I might have been fooling myself when I said such things earlier, now is a different situation. It's gonna be the exam period so I have to study. She has to too, and I'm afraid that I might end up hindering her studying process. Also, what I heard today wasn't very good... She wants to be a career woman? That's not a problem. But not intending to have a relationship at all in Uni... that is obviously a big big barrier. There'll be no way that I'll be able to breach that... And as what I have been thinking, she probably is really trying to tell me something, at least that she just wants this to be purely platonic... Thanx as Ms Chuah! Oh, and I'm very glad that I could be of help today. Just call on me if you ever need.
Well, back to trying to study peeps! U all too ok! Wah, 7 more days sia...

Blur

Today we got back our MA test results. Got 25/30... On the count that I didn't really study for the test, it's quite good right? Dun get me wrong. I studied, in the non-conventional way. As in, I didn't sit with a book in front of me and memorised the text, but reather relied on my friends calling me to ask questions. Through their questions, I learnt alot since they helped me 'memorise' my formulae and sort of 'forced' me to practice the questions. haha, well, thanx everyone! Damn, but this isn't over... we still have the finals!! haha, and this is only Term 1 of year 1! CAn u imagine doing this for another what, 7 terms? haha indeed!
Hmmm, so according to Joanne, I'm becoming a sad person not because I'm easily contented, but rather because she feels its obvious that 'she' has no feelings for me. The fact that I'm still trying to do something about it and persevere makes me a sad person. Hmm, do you all feel the same way too? *ponder ponder* This is making me blur...

About MA and Chocs

Ha ha, ok, the stupid MA test is over!!!! YYEESS!! Wahl au, it was really a stupid test lor. But I found it quite easy, or at least easier than expected. Many people want to disagree though, so I dun wanna talk too much about it. If people find it difficult, and I easy, then it might not bode well for me. I’m not ZHAI ah people! Wrong impression half the time. Ha ha. Well, hope everyone does well! Sigh, this only brings to mind that the finals are coming soon. Dun slack now people! But of course dun burn yourselves out. Take breaks from time to time ah. Hmmm, den again, if you aren’t taking a break then u wun be reading this right?
So happy. Remember the cookies? It was finished within the day, thanks to her brother and friends. That was Tues, and last night on Wed, she told me that she wanted to pass me something. I was very happy of course, but I was also wondering what it was. So today, on Thursday, she came to pass me the gift. Ha ha, she handed me back one of the tins used to hold the cookies, so I was thinking what it could possibly cos I thought she had bought the exact same thing for me. When I went back to class, then I realized that it was Hershey’s kisses and some potpourri. Wah, so happy!!!! Haha, although I dun usually take sweet stuff, this is an exception bah. Haha. Especially since she has been saying that she’s trying to save money.
Well, this is it, sia, have to start studying… haha, and I’m typing this during Biz Law class? Hahaha, what a hypocrite… well, c’ya all, and good luck for the exams!

Biscuits

I was with my parents on Sunday for lunch when I went into a 7-eleven to buy newspaper. I was going to look for comics too, but I saw this very nicely packaged pack of biscuits. Actually I won't really call it a pack... Its more like 3 individual tins of biscuits which are connected somehow by some cardboard. And when I saw it, I had a strong urge to buy it, with the intention to give it to her... Ha ha, call me stupid... very very stupid. But I hesitated, walked one round, and came back to the same place... The biscuits were like staring at me, imploring me to buy them. (haha, ok ok , it was just an analogy alright?). Ha ha, so... Of course I bought it! hahaha...
Had smsed her on Sunday, but by the time she replied, it was evening, and I called her although she didn't seem keen to talk. So well... was kinda taking it in my stride since I was supposed to have stopped right? Then the biscuits came to mind again... So when I met her online that night, we were chatting for some time.. although half the time she didn't really reply... but that's just normal. Haha, discussed about my birthday plans... what a happy thought. So I gathered enough info to see if she'd be in school the next day so I brought the biscuits on Mon.
On Mon, well, msged her online to see if she'd finish classes. But she didn't reply when I asked if she'd be passing by the library. So I msged her phone, only to get a reply like 4 hrs later... But that too is normal. So I told her that there was nothing much, just that I wanted to pass her something the next day, but she didn't question. So last night (Mon night) I chatted with her online again. Then I just told her it was biscuits, and asked if I could pass it to her today ( Tues). She said ok, and that she'd call me after her lessons. But today, I had a sinking feeling that she'd forget again... ha, well, she called in the end, and I went to meet her. Hmm... she seemed thrilled enough to receive it, and was commenting how sweet it was... so of course I was estatic. But then again, I dunno what to think of it... it might just be biscuits, but the reasons I gave might seem more... well, dun think about it...
Have to start with stupid MA!!!!! Damn... and my table lamp is bust. Now I can hardly see well enough... OKOK, well, all you people reading this, go study too!!! haha

...

Mua ha ha, I seem be in a little lighter spirits today... Just realised that MA test is this coming Thursday, and not next Thursday... Thanks Ah Wen for reminding me! Gonna die badly for this one... how how? Tomorrow's my Finance presentation... hope that bugger doesn't ask too many questions, I doubt if I will be able to understand most of them.
Hmmm, almost died today. Dunno why I suddenly felt extremely tired in the day, and I was struggling not to fall asleep even with all the racket. Seriously, why is it still considered a library? I think most professors would gladly have that amount of 'participative chatter' in class. Damn noisy lah... couldn't get anything done.
Went home with Ms Chuah (oops, did I spell right?) and went grocery shopping... Hmmm, seems like we two are really quite similar. Deep thinker, low esteem, well guarded... Maybe you can try opening up more. I dun dare ask you more actually, cos I sense apprehension to you, if I may use that term loosely. If you ever need help, you can always approach me. I'm not one who will turn down a person in need if I can help it.
Nothing much to update about the other stuff. Not really trying to think about it actually. Getting extremely confused, and that's the last thing I should be thinking about now with the looming shadow of the dreaded exams.

Expectations... NOT!

Haha, well, yeah, now is the point in time that there is no room for expextations. As what Ms Peh has so aptly put "beyond the point of no return, cross the bridge and let it burn". Called at noon, got a reply in the evening. Replied thereafter, but still waiting for a reply. Remember what I said earlier? It won't last long. It is only by obligation, not because she cares. Rule of thumb, 1/2 hour replies are max to wait with lee way for the truly busy. 6 hours is just too much.
Anyway, now I'm supposed to be studying MA... again. Can't take it lah. It sucks big time. And my stupid finance presentation is coming!!!! Argh!!!! Damn jia lat lah. How how how?
MA test coming oso... cannot cannot! Exams coming liao!!! no time!!!!
wah lau, my entry is becoming more and more incoherent... better stop now lest ppl start cursing me. haha, oh, I added a tag board finally for all u ppl who prefer to leave comments there.
Cheerios amigos

confusion or delusion

Well, remember what I was saying last night? Well, shit lor, things always turn out funnily.
When I said I was going to deleted the numbers, I was secretly still hopeful that the person would call or message me. Of course I was also thinking on the other hand that it would not be possible because up till now, it has always been me doing the initiating. As such, I was really quite positive that I would be sucessful in 'deleting' the memory...
Hmmm, obviously things never turn out as intended. I was still complaining to Ms Peh and Ah Wen, hahah sorry for the crap names ah u guys, when she called. Stunned me for a few seconds to see the name flashing on screen... I had 2 choices. To cut off or to answer. Knowing the weakling that I am, u all should know that I obviously picked up. How could I have the heart to cut off? And what a cheerful voice it was! Even if I wanted to sound pissed, I could not do so. It was almost like the first fresh breeze of autumn after a scorching summer.
But now, how? Why is it so that when I try to put my foot down on something, something else happens to loosen my foothold? I was so thrown off from my intended course of action... I stated my disappointments though, and she seemed apologetic enough. But words are only letters stringed together to form perceived intellectual representations, and are insignificant if not backed up with action. So, for now, I intend not to start anything. I'd rather she start a conversation for once. I can't always be here. A promise to be more mindful might only last a short while, and it defeats a purpose if it becomes an obligation to respond.
I'm probably too tired out right now to think straight anymore. Intended to study just now, but was distracted for 2 hours until I gave up concentrating, that's why I'm here, hahaha. I'll leave now though, cheerios!

I give up

Yes, as my title explicitly says, I give up. Really. I have no idea what to do anymore. Let's start with the basics. I can't get started on my school work, or won't get started for that matter. And my problem won't solve itself.
About the problem... I really feel like messaging 'I give up' but I think that would be too drastic. If I'm already scary, then this will make it worse. So I will stop short. It might have been better if I didn't push to much and too fast, I'm not sure. Continuing from the previous entry, I still have not gotten any reply. I tried calling this afternoon, but obviously I didn't get a reply. This is roughly the main reason why I say I give up. I can't stand continuing with this. Even if it hurts me to do so, continuing will only serve up more disappointments and sadness. I wish, of course, that none of this have happened, but it already has. I have been saying that I need to take a step back, but I have always gone back on my word. At this point of time, my will still isn't resolute, but I wish it will be so. And this step is going to be way back. No more bull shit crap.
My first step now is to delete the handphone and home phone numbers from my phone, which I have already done. Of course, this might not really matter since I have already memorised the handphone number, but at least it is a start right? Is this a waste? I still think so, but I have no idea what else is there to do. I can't salvage the situation right now. I can't do a confrontation cos I know I wun be able to say anything constructive, or to this intention. Ultimately, my intention is still to get together, but... *SIGH* Nothing else matters...
Ok, to anyone who is reading, please leave a comment if possible... I still don't know how to incorporate a tagboard, so I'll have to rely on comments.
Take care all. Good bye cruel world! hahha

Tort of Negligence

haha, the title of this post is really cheem, and that's exactly what I'm being forced to study right now.
" One must take reasonable care to avoid acts or omissions which can reasonably forsee would be likely to injure one's neighbour, where the neighbour in question is a person who is so closely and directly affected by ones act that one ought reasonably to have them in contemplation whilst carrying out the acts."
Ha ha, now that I think about it, I can very well sue many people out there for tort of negligence, and one particular person who is making my life so confusingly miserable that I can't really seem to make up my mind. I actually intended to 'cease contact' as what my MSN nick was a few days back, but it seemed too much for me... Cheryl! I lost my bet with you, haha! I couldn't last 3 days, let alone the one month which we wagered for.
Maybe I should explain myself? After so many let downs and non-replies, one must agree to how miserable that can be. Hurled into the abyss of despair, thrown into a pit in which we can wallow in self-pity. Ok, that might seem a little too melodramatic, but I'm close, aren't I? I wanted to forget about it... until Monday. remember, it was just Friday that I resolved it. But the heart might be willing, whereas the flesh is weak. In this case, it might just be the other way round. So anyway, I was in school on Monday again, and I was off to lunch with Kristin, sulking whilst I was at it since I was still thinking about it. Then I saw her in the distance so I tried desperately to pretend I didn't see her. And while I was 'searching' my wallet for some 'thing', I waslked past her... and she called out my name. I had 2 choices then, to ignore and pretend I didn't hear, or to look up. Obviously, I took the latter option. And that's when I saw her beaming face, always so full of zest and happiness. I don't even remember now if I smiled in return or not... How then could I have resisted not contacting her again? *sigh* I contacted her on Tues, and as usual I recieved 1 hour late replies or none at all. Told me to meet her online, but she didn't appear... Called her earlier, but she didn't have time. Messaged her, and she still hasn't replied. To all you people out there, why am I sooo stupid? Can anyone explain why is it that I choose to continue with this hopeless chase?
I have spoken too much, and I am tired. Not because I'm sleepy, but because when I put my thoughts down in words, reality seems to have emboldened itself and is screaming out to me to wake up. A tiny step forward to embrace reality can save me countless hours of agony, but instead I choose to sink deeper in this mire of disbelief and sadness.
We see once again why I say I know of one person who can so aptly be accused for committing Tort of Negligence.

gundam 

okok, I know, it looks gross, but haha, all in the name of fun ya 

Hmmm

Well, so it seems that I'm in school once again. Supposed to be for project, and my group members booked a room, but as usual somebody was in the room. And as usual, the people aren't ready to leave. This is really crap actually, because I don't have the heart to chase people away. This brings to mind again how easily I'm always taken advantage of, and how much people can take me for granted. Sad enough, I'm still on the topic from my previous post, where I lament my indecisiveness and uselessness as a guy.
Talked to Cheryl 2 days back, and she was telling me to take a step back and see what happens. Seems like I'm about to repeat what happened in J2, and I don't want that to happen again. NO way! So, I have ceased contact for now. It has only been 2 days and it is bad enough. Luckily I have been keeping myself occupied with finishing Naruto. But now that I have finished it, I don't know what else I can do. I know I should take this opportunity to study, but how can I? I'd be too distracted to do so.
OMG! Why does this always have to happen so near to exams, or tests. I can't take it sia. Well, I have to sign off here cos i'd better start with my AS assignment. Sianz... AS sucks... Well, hope I don't have to contact her anytime soon.
Cheerios